I know it's going to be another one of 'those' journals but whatever. I've got to say something about a couple things before I get really pissed off and snap on someone.
No, this may not pertain to everyone reading this but some of you may understand where I'm coming from on this be it because you've done these things or because you've had it happen before. Don't take it personally, I'm not attacking you at all. It's a general address to a couple situations. Relax and take it for what it is.
Firstly please stop begging me to draw stuff for you?
I asked for reference sheets the other day for reasons such as gifts for the Season (Thanksgiving/Christmas) as a surprise for people. I didn't say 'free requests' or 'post a reference and I'll draw your character'. I'm sorry if people got that kind of impression from just my asking for references without saying why. Don't make me feel guilty about it if I say no either. I've got enough on my plate concerning commissions as well as other hired projects that I'd be a fool to open requests or anything at all. Writing to me saying how much you love my work and then adding in 'I wish I could get you to draw my insertacharacter'snamehere one day' just gives off a guilty vibe. You may not intend it but it does, more so when it comes after fanfare and fawning over my artwork.
I'm grateful people enjoy my work and I do enjoy sharing it when I can, but I don't appreciate being pinned as automatically available to draw people stuff. Be a bit more considerate, please? I know some of you are new to this art world and you may not be versed in how it works so I'll just be frank here: I don't work for free anymore unless you're a friend or I ask for it. Perhaps it sounds cruel, mean, snobbish, and possibly snooty but tough. At this point I've very little means to do any artwork and when I can am I'm doing things work related or commissions. I can't and won't take requests no matter how demure or sneakily put out they are. This goes for a lot of artists out there and I'm sure if you asked them they'd reply in the same way.
Secondly, I've got a lot going on right now, not only at home but in my head right now.
I don't have to tell you I've not been very well and I've been struggling a lot with various things in my personal life, more so if you've read any journals I've posted in the last few months.
At this point I've got a lot to do and a lot to take on and in so chances are once and a while I'll have 'days' like that, where I'm miserable and beside myself. It happens and there's valid reasons for it. Now, while I appreciate honesty I don't appreciate being made fun of or bashed for these feelings. I get it, it's annoying after a while but I've been a member of this website for 9 years, I've developed friendships and many of those friends are watchers of mine from way back when. So while my pandering and 'bitching' may be annoying to you it informs them, those that care to know. I'm not here to cater to all of you or be some kind of role model of decorum. I'm not a god, goddess, or something like that. I'm also not a machine. I have feelings and when they're hurt or when I'm upset they come out. I can't help it.
Life has been an uphill battle for a long long long long time for me and it's JUST now finally starting to take some steps in a better direction lately. I've working really hard to keep it that way and I'm glad to have the support of people behind me to help, even if they're strangers. Still, I feel as if a lot of people expect me to owe them something, like because I'm 'well known' I've got connections or a caboodle of constituents I can refer them to for magic powers on how to draw or something.
Look... I DON'T mind helping people, I enjoy it and it's uplifting, believe me... but sometimes I feel like a lot of the time I'm exploited for being 'nice' and 'open'.
Granted, a lot of people will argue fully against that, and fine, whatever on them, they can think what they want. However, at this point I'm sorry but I can't find enough time in the days to answer everything or anyone. I have a FAQ journal
which has the answers you may be looking for for the most part, otherwise there's Google, Bing, Yahoo, etc. to answer them for you.
My apologies for being so forward on this but I've got otherwise no one listens at all =/
Lastly, I'm very sorry for the onslaught of 'rant' and 'vent' journals as of late. As I said above I have a lot going on and it is very much overwhelming, and when I can't draw out my feelings I tend to write them out. Believe me about 99% of what I write doesn't get posted here, just stuff that pertains to things that may affect my activity here otherwise most of that stuff stays private or on Tumblr.
So my apologies for that kind of stuff but there's the option to unwatch journals which I don't mind if you do and it's not like I'll be mad if you do either. I've unwatched someone's journals before for various reasons so... It's not that insulting really.
Anyway, one more time I am sorry for clogging the inbox with the rants and vents, but I do try to post more positive things as well when my mood strikes.
You'd have to understand 'me' to know why that's understandable I guess...?
So... I'm pretty sure what this point this will annoy people but oh well. It's about time I said it because honestly I am kind of sick of being put out like some pushover or something. I don't mind people asking me stuff or wanting to talk but please, be patient and don't don't DON'T make me feel guilty by guilt tripping me, alright?
No, I don't mean if you ask me something and I don't answer right away, I take some time with notes and replies... more so serious notes asking serious stuff.
Be patient. Wait. I WILL get back to you when I can find the time and answers.
Now... end case and point I'm going out with my mum tomorrow or Wednesday for her 49th birthday. I saved up some pocket money for a year (25c - $1 any time I had money) to take her out for something nice since she deserves it for working so hard the last year. Plus, her health is kind of declining and... well, I don't want to talk about that right now.
So I'll be gone then. I'm excited about it since we rarely just go out and have time together without fighting and she seems pretty excited about it too so that's nice. We took a walk tonight and although it was lovely (chilly but nice) she kind of struggled breathing... BUT, we managed and even came back to watch a movie and eat junk food
Never get to do that these days, just healthy stuff so it was nice to eat junk, watch a funny movie, and laugh. It's a rare thing these days...
Ummm, anyway yeah... So I'll be gone a couple days.
Sorry to slam this crap on you but I had to say it and for a while I wanted to be nice about it but at this point I just can't afford to be nice at this point. When I'm nice most of the time I get crap for it or walked all over. Times are changing and so am I. Some may not like it but at this point it's toughen up or go home with your tail between your legs, and I have no intention of walking away.
That is all,
PS: I love you all, I appreciate your support, and every day I am humbled by the kind compliments and feedback on my work. Know this and take it to heart.
I apologize if someone takes any part of this personally but I assure you it is not a personal attack on anyone at all, I'm not pointing fingers or saying names because it's not just one person. This has been happening multiple times for a while now. Don't take it personally.
I'm not mad and I'm not upset. I'm a bit miffed about these issues but they're minor issues but nonetheless ones to address accordingly. They're not bowling me over or putting me out somehow, just concerning to the point of saying something.
Please, don't take it the wrong way and think I'm foaming at the mouth or something, I'm not. I'm in a pretty damn good mood actually... Tired but in a good mood.
I figured it was best to write what I had to say in a good mood since I wanted to be straight to the point without being an asshole about it (may not have worked but... eh).
That said, stay safe, well, and wonderful.